Tell Someone You DON’T Like Them…could this actually be good advice for most of us today?

This past Thursday I guest posted a blog entry over on Tyler’s page about churchrater.com (you can read it HERE if you’re interested) and I shared one of the blind spots in leadership is that people rarely tell you want you should improve on, instead they will simply leave your ministry if they are dissatisfied enough. Doing so robs us in leadership of the opportunity to learn and grow into better, more effective leaders. Sadly to make matters worse many will gladly share the”issues” they have with you with just about anyone with ears. Throughout a decade in youth ministry I haven’t been naive to this or ever pretended it didn’t exist, in fact being the confrontational person that I am I would often go after such people once I hard of their “issue” second hand. Lately I find myself much less interested in having those conversations. I could easily name probably ten situations off the top of my head which I’ve heard secondhand of issues people are having with church leadership and have not shared it with the leader involved (some of them involving me).
What prevents most people from sharing their gripes with another? I’m sure some of you would say it is a personality thing; “I’m just non-confrontational.” Maybe you think it wouldn’t be worth it, the person wouldn’t change anyways. Whatever is stopping you I would ask you to pause long enough to consider the ways someone might be able to change/improve if you shared your thoughts in a thoughtful manner. We all have flaws, weaknesses, insecurities…and you must remember that those of us in leadership, our flaws are much more visible and easy to critique. An old recovery principle comes to mind; the only way to conquer an issue is to go through it…not around it. Together we can help each other become better people, if we engage the conversation dealing with the REAL issues…and part of that conversation has to include a willingness to share what we don’t like about them. Check out Matthew 18 for some divine thoughts on this topic



